Monday, August 11, 2008

I like folk music

I wish I could remember all the things I thought about as I walked to work this morning. They were prolific and made me feel like I was going to get something accomplished today. Well, now I'm in the office and the feeling has worn off. My soul is sucked dry and it's only 11:30 on a Monday. Merh! Such has become my life, only because I let it. Talk to me at 5, and my opinions might've shifted - let's hope so.

I think I'm turning into a mean person. I don't mean to, but lately I feel like I've been rude/mean more often than not. I have no excuses for this.

Right now I'm reading this manifesto. I picked it up this past Fall in my college bookstore. A plain white book. Opened it up and it got straight to the point. Nestled inside was a red page with the same info as in the "manifesto" link above. I'm less than half-way through. I love it and then I hate it. The sentences make me cringe and break my heart. It's completely relatable, especially at this point in my life where I feel unsure of my actions. Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing enough? Am I setting myself up for success or complete failure? Where am I going? What am I doing? What's it all for? Who? Why? What else would I be doing? I want to travel overseas. I don't even have a passport. I want someone to take a chance on me. I need to take a chance. I feel very unsure with life choices right now.

I got old and restless. I had a sense of responsibility to develop. I had to respect my health.
I was romantic. I wanted to see the world. My life was dead. I wanted out. I wanted to live other lives, to live in a village in Mongolia, to see people that talked different, looked different, to walk in landscapes, to see what trees and fields looked like. I wanted to live in cities, to see traffic, hear loud voices, jackhammers pounding. I wanted to spend nights under bridges everywhere in America, not to have proper supplies, money for food, to walk on a roadside under hot sun and kick the dry filters of cigarettes. I wanted to go to other countries, to be in danger, unprepared, ignorant. I wanted to see what there was on this and every other planet.
....
On a damp and drear late afternoon in Idaho I huddled my knees and hugged myself below the crest of a hill. I said: "Fucking Idaho."

It's made for twenty somethings. As is this album. Neil Young. Mmm.

Lunchtime.

I just found this, things to think about... and I like it. Especially this drawing doodle.
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Oh. And I had a friend over last night and we were listening to music and laughing and she said, in a semi-accusatory tone, "You really like folk music." And I said "excuse me?" And she repeated herself. Then I almost got defensive about it, but then I said, "I do. It's good. I like music with stories, and folk is usually good for that. You better not be judging me, I like a lot of other music, too." (this is paraphrased, of course.)

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