You know how the proverbial ‘they’ say that you write what you know. Well, one day I was out running, my way to take myself out of the chaos of my world, listening to Modest Mouse’s “One Chance” and I started thinking about chances in life. Life is a succession of big chances, and whether you take them on or miss them completely… then came the dialogue of a person A, “I was never given a chance (in life)” and person B retorts, “When have you ever taken a chance?”
(
CNF course 2006)
Alright. May resolution: buck up,
buckaroo! I need a job, yo.
I was putting some writing samples together for a job interview yesterday (oh, how fun! except I got there and they had already filled the position that I really wanted, and the other position that was open seemed way too tech
savvy for me, or so they seemed to think, as with the ending they reminded me they had a few more interviews to conduct. Oh, thanks a lot guys, for wasting my time, and yours. Apparently I'm not very good at tricking people. Shucks.) and it made me slightly depressed to realize my
naivety in the whole scheme of real world job market. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be, though I'm not really sure what I thought was going to happen. The world hasn't been handed to me on a silver platter as of yet, and right now it sucks, but maybe it's going to help me in the long run. Although, that's a little tough to think about right now, with the school loan officers getting closer to my door... one month. I want a desk job, or something where I don't have to serve people and laugh at their stupid jokes in order to make $18 an hour.
AHHHHHH!!!!!
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I’
ve had friends tell me that nothing’s going to happen unless I allow it to, and that reminds me of that saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” Does it really? Does it really? Or do we just learn to adapt to the change and therefore require it to be reason and based on fate? I go back and forth on the issue of fate and faith and all that heavenly jazz. I’m getting far too far away from the initial topic, which is people giving me a job. Oprah, specifically. My God, - excuse me, my Oprah, how wonderful it would be to work for her. Or, would it be some hell-fire lower level of the
Harpo Studios where
Steadman drove everyone with a whip until they
sweated [blood] to death? Regardless, I think it’d be fantastic! She might be a little demanding, but she’s Oprah. Although I do question her on a couple things, such as her support of
Tyra Banks, and her crazy madwoman rant to Mr. James Frey about his fictionalized memoir. Dude. He was on drugs. Maybe he thought that was what happened. Leave the man alone.
(3/24/08)
Quick note: I do not approve of
pandora.
com's playing of Dave Matthews Band on my Grateful Dead station.
BOOOO!
Other past writings....
From playing “Sleeping Beauty” with my brother when I was three to performing as the
Captain in “Anything Goes!” and lip-syncing an interpretive dance of Seal's "Kiss from a rose on the Grave" in the back of the bus at summer camp when I was ten, I’
ve always had a flair for the dramatic. My life in theatre goes back from before I can remember. When I was a kid, I was positive that I was going to be the next leading lady in Hollywood – I would be the new starlet of the silver screen, the next big thing. Turns out, I came to the harsh realization – not until my sophomore year of college – that the “overnight success” phenomena
doesn’t really exist. I’m not going to be walking down the street and have some producer shout at me, “You! You there! In the galoshes! You! You need to work with me, be in my next film!”
Isn’t that how it happened for John Travolta, maybe sans the galoshes, so why not me? Apparently, everyone else in the theatre department had been working toward their dream since before they could remember, while I’d only been imagining it
It was a rocky journey to get where I am today. I have horrible stage fright – horrible. I cry in auditions. I can’t do it. I don’t like when people don’t trust or believe in me, I get scared that I won’t be able to prove myself good enough. It’s silly, but something I still can’t seem to get over. When I was ten, the same summer I acted in “Anything Goes!” (The head nun sang “Blow Gabriel, Blow! Why don’t you blow Gabriel Blow I’
ve been a sinner I’
ve been a saint, but now blah…” and little Jake stood up confessing his sins, getting into the act.), my father took me and my brother to “Grease!” on Broadway, starring Sally
Struthers. Before the show, the DJ invited all the kids onstage to dance and have a sock hop. I really wanted to go, but I was nervous to do it by myself. I tried to get my brother to go with me, but he thought it was stupid – he was three years older than me and into sports. So, sadly I sat in my seat watching all the other kids have a great time, wishing I could get up there. My Dad told me that if I
didn’t go up there then he
didn’t want to hear me talking about being an actress ever again. I suppose it was his way of trying to encourage me, but I
didn’t see it like that and I decided that I would never again talk about theatre or being an actress.
......That Spring Break (sophomore year - college) I went back East to visit my Dad with my friend, Alli, and we went to Edward Albee’s “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” starring Kathleen Turner and Bill Irwin. It clicked. Everything fell in place. I always got that feeling seeing plays before, the magic of the theatre, if you will. But this time was different. An epiphany. The light shined on me and the angels blared their trumpets. I wanted to write plays, I wanted to create worlds. And it continued from there,
playwriting instantly became my passion. I love theatre and I love writing – put them together and I can die happy.
I’
ve never experienced anything as great as the theatre world. You have the dramatic; the activists, the eccentrics, the artistic; wonderful, crazy, thoughtful people - on all levels and in all areas of theatre. No other profession is so creative, in my opinion. The goal of it all is to entertain, to teach, to provide an escape from the ordinary. It’s extraordinary. Theatre and entertainment is something that mankind can’t live without, it stands the test of time, it provides an outlet to try and comprehend the complexity that is life.
I chose Theatre as my major, with an emphasis in
playwriting, and Sociology as my minor, because I want to understand people; who they are, where they came from, where they’re going, why they do the things they do. I want to connect in ways that most people think
isn’t possible, to cross borders and find that underneath everything and behind everything, we’re really not that different from one another. I want to tell stories that would otherwise not be told. I want to change the world. I want to open eyes. I want to write plays. I want. I just hope I can do it. (Capstone 12/2007)
IN terms of life, love and war, we always learn too late. And you can never undo something that’s done, so you have to try to cope the best you can. It’s never so easy, and you always think
coulda,
shoulda,
woulda, but really, what good’s that
goin’ do? Still you keep doing it all the same, time and time again. Ooh! Wonderful feelings this human being’s dealing with.
(3.18.08)
I kind of like sleeping on the floor (
preferably on a mattress, or a cushy sleeping bag - my back is getting worse with age) it's like camping, but inside, so you don't have to worry about the bears.
(2-29-08)
I've been told that
"What if"s won't change the world.
They don't.
But,
What if they could?
What if they do?
I'm sure it's true.
You only have to believe,
and perform the execution.
....................
He sang, "Why don't you love me anymore?" Over and over as he
trodded through the empty wooden hall. Smashing his fists through the glass, he cried. As his knees hit the
porcelain he wished it all would end, but a knock echoed through the dark silence and its unrelenting cry was impossible to ignore. He rose, tired and sore. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he opened the door. There was no one, but a note that said, "Have faith and go forward in the direction of your dreams. Happiness is best when shared."
(4-7-08)
There’s something about humankind, and the striving, driving force to be a magnificent
minuscule shining among the masses.
(
CNF course 2006)
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PS - one more thing before closing. I have this list written down in one of my journals, "Bob Parsons' 16 Rules for Survival" (maybe it was from a brother sent email, which is most likely), and let's hope #3 is true:
"When you're ready to quit, you're closer than you think. There's an old Chinese saying that I just love, and I believe it is so true. It goes like this: 'The temptation to quit will be the greatest just before you are about to succeed.'"
