Climbing, Scaling, Pushing and Crying.

Well, at least it's good to know [from last night's adventures] that I'm still as nimble as I was when I was a child.

Wha' happen'd? You might be asking.

Sometimes I do things, like taking guitar lessons at the Old Town School of Folk Music. And, sometimes I do things without thinking, like dropping my keys in my "bag" which actually happened to be the couch.

So, I had my guitar class (learning bass pluck/strummin' stuff!) and it was great, and I was happy, but oh so tired. And since the CTA decided it doesn't want anyone to have any money and increased the fare $.50 I walked a good portion home - guitar in tote. Blah, blah, blah. I'm on my block, feelin' for my keys. Not in my pocket... Nope. Not in my purse... Nope. Not in my guitar case?! Nope. NOT IN MY PURSE!! NOT IN MY POCKET!! NOT IN MY GUITAR CASE!! Oh, man!! I call my roommate, knowing well and good that he is rehearsing his comedy routine with his sketch group - waaaaaaaaaaaay North. Upon answering, he verifies this and upon hearing my story he makes sure I'm warm and feeilng safe (aww!), and then says that he was able to climb into his room by way of window, so I should try that. I got off the phone with him, sighed, and talked myself through the plan.

Step 1. Get over the next door's fence so as to access roommate's window. FENCE IS TALL(er than me) and wrought iron, and seemingly impossible to climb as it has one cross bar at 10" and the second at 4'. Cool. Shed outerwear/gear so an not to hang myself on jump down. Trash cans up against this side of fence; I climb, I jump down, I feel accomplished.

YEAH! I can do this!!! Gettin' inside!

Step 2. Go to roommate's window, remove screen and PPPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH! with all my might. It's not budging. PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH! with all my might. OMIGOD! I'm not going to get inside and now I'll be stuck in the church's lot and I'll be arrested for trespassing, but I only wanted in my house.

So, I call the roommate again. Are you sure you didn't lock the window once inside? "You know. I'm not sure." Okay, thanks. Uhm, well, I'll figure something out. "Call me when you get inside." Oh, okay.

PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH! with all my might. Nothing. Cry. Blubbering, I just want to go inside. I'm tired and I want to be asleep in my warm/cozy/snugly bed.

Shape up, sister! We're getting inside! To my window!

Step 3. Back over the fence. How's this gonna work? Again with the impossibly stretching cross bars... I tried and almost impaled my chin on a spike. Not gonna do that again! A DOOR*! How did I not see this door* before!?! Not locked, but frozen shut. But I am able to use the lock as a go-between on the cross bar thing. AND HOP! I'm over. Fist-pump-lunge-YES move!

Step 4. Get in through my window. My window, unlike the roommate's, is about 4'8" off the ground; I'm 5'8". Remove the screen. PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH! with all my might. Once, twice, thrice times more. Cry. I know I can do this! It's been done before. Granted, it was done by this guy I was dating in September, and dude being from Long Island apparently had a delinquent youth of breaking into all sorts of places. This is good to know, uhhhh. He made it look so easy. I can do it too! PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH! with all my might - I think I'm going to break my back in half. Not good.

By this time I can feel that my face is smeared with dirt and mascara and I'm still crying like a dying dog/hoping that my neighbors don't call the police, or that the alley drivers don't take me in their mattress truck.

COME ON! OPEN!!!

PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH! with all my might for 6-10 more minutes, cut my arm on the bar. PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH! and CHA-CHING!!! There's a crack! I CLAP HYSTERICALLY; overjoyed! Push, push, push. Inch by inch, until the window is just 3 inches above the security bars, and I have no more physical height to push up, but somehow I managed (in my moon boots, mind you) to straddle the sidewalk, by shimmying up the fence with my left leg and flexing my right foot against the building. PUUUUUUUUUSH! GOT IT! Move shit so I don't knock it over. And, finally - contort myself to fit into the space between the top of the bars and the bottom of the window.

WOW! Thank you, yoga. Thank you, strong independence and stubborn determination.

Wash my hands and face and take a drink of water. Phew!

PS - I didn't call the landlord because it was 11pm, and he's Russian (hard to understand, that's all!)

*And by "door" I mean "iron gate"