Always the effin' bridesmaid...

I have a lump in my throat, and I wish I didn’t. The reason why I wish I didn’t is the cause of the lump… 27 Dresses. Laugh. It’s okay. Please, laugh. Ridiculous, I know. I didn’t even want to watch it, but it was between the cheese of a chick flick or the blood shedding of the Coen brothers’ No Country for Old Men – which, is great I do say, but I’ve already seen it, and since it is Christmas, I didn’t feel like vomiting before devouring some delish Mother-prepared turkey and trimmings.

The movie itself is predictable – if you’ve seen the previews, that’s the film – Katherine Hiegel’s character (Jane) has been in love with weddings (and the idea of love and marriage, of course, that go along with it) since she was eight – just after her mother died – she’s the trustworthy best friend who puts other people in front of herself, she’s in love with her boss, yada yada yada, her little sister comes into town, the boss falls for the sister, the sister lies to make sure the boss loves her even though he loves animals and she does not… you know how it goes – vegetarians (I kid!). Anyway, so yeah, the night the movie starts she leaves her planner in the cab she shares with James Marsden’s character (Kevin, “a writer” is all he gives of his profession), who creepily reads through her coming weeks to find when/how he can return the agenda, in doing this he sees that she’s in a million weddings, and does everything from picking the flowers to registering gifts and bringing the dress to the church. Now, Kevin just happens to be the Wedding Commitments writer for the New York Journal (the one that Jane loves and saves all the clippings of his pieces) and he’s cynical of the ceremonies (turns out his lady love left him at the alter) and tired of the job, oh so tired, wanting his break to bigger and better pieces. So, in addition to being smitten by Jane's good looks, he thinks, “feature piece” and the wheels, my friends, are set in motion. One fiasco after another takes place, as in all good movies – and yes, I will admit, while predictable it was enjoyable, I found myself yelling at Jane to grow balls; growling at the bitchy, soulless sister, Tess; and inevitably – with some amount of shame – with tears in my eyes, yearning for the love that every girl dreams of that only exists in these stupid fucking (pardon me) chick flicks – but eventually, everything works out, and the 28th dress Jane puts on is her very own wedding gown. And would you believe it!? When they get married their sarcastic best friends fall for each other at their ceremony - complete with witty remarks. Crazy. Oh, and both of Jane and Kevin's favorite part of wedding ceremonies is when the bride walks in there’s that look of love on the groom’s face.

I didn’t write this to write a review, but it just made me think a lot about relationships, and how nothing ever really works out to plan, unless, after multiple trials and errors you have a writer and director who are just tired at the end and say, oh, well, I suppose these two people are attractive enough that we’ll just throw some things that they have in common here in the end, a Benny and the Jets sing-a-long at a bar in the middle of nowhere New York, and everything will turn out roses in the bride’s bouquet.

EDIT! I got ranty – real ranty, and real crazy after the review. Real. Real. Whoa; apologies to friends and strangers who encountered my slip out of sanity - in my defense I was home for the holidays and rambling and feeling sorry for myself and the lack of good-for-me romantic relationships, like an asshole. (Haruki Murakami writes in Norwegian Wood, "Don't feel sorry for yourself, only assholes do that.") There was one line I did really like in the movie, and it was when Jane said that she was just waiting for someone she loved to be waiting for her at the end of the aisle, and Kevin told her she deserved to be with someone who respected her. Now, again - movies... this doesn't happen in "real life" or the life I've experienced. And I'm not looking to get married right now, doiy!, but I do agree that maybe some things are worth the wait, it's just that I'm kind of impatient and I would like for someone to stick out a hand to hold every now and then, and have me be there special somebody rather than just a number in their late night phone directory. But, life isn’t as they portray it in the movies – though, it did take me a sad number of years to figure that out - and crazy coincidences aren't a part of my everyday existence... usually.

So, yes. I do wish I would’ve watched No Country instead, at least then I could’ve gazed at Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem and Woody Harrelson running around for two hours, getting sweaty and trying to stay alive. Now that’s sexy. Call me crazy, but I’m just a lonely little lady, sitting with my chin in my hand dreaming of a man who inspires mutual feelings and a little romance… and DANCING!!! You gotta dance!

I’ve been thinking about getting some cats. Yeah, plural. ‘Scrazy, right? My Auntie Sandy says they stay out of trouble if they have friends, which one would think is the complete opposite of the truth.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope you got everything you wanted!!

PS - this cover is relatable - hardly happens here, right?! 'Scrazy, again.

PPS - I think it'd be fun to be a bridesmaid (Jane had some pretty sweet dresses, and I like costume parties); weddings are silly - 'slong as there's an open bar (wink)