Always the effin' bridesmaid...

I have a lump in my throat, and I wish I didn’t. The reason why I wish I didn’t is the cause of the lump… 27 Dresses. Laugh. It’s okay. Please, laugh. Ridiculous, I know. I didn’t even want to watch it, but it was between the cheese of a chick flick or the blood shedding of the Coen brothers’ No Country for Old Men – which, is great I do say, but I’ve already seen it, and since it is Christmas, I didn’t feel like vomiting before devouring some delish Mother-prepared turkey and trimmings.

The movie itself is predictable – if you’ve seen the previews, that’s the film – Katherine Hiegel’s character (Jane) has been in love with weddings (and the idea of love and marriage, of course, that go along with it) since she was eight – just after her mother died – she’s the trustworthy best friend who puts other people in front of herself, she’s in love with her boss, yada yada yada, her little sister comes into town, the boss falls for the sister, the sister lies to make sure the boss loves her even though he loves animals and she does not… you know how it goes – vegetarians (I kid!). Anyway, so yeah, the night the movie starts she leaves her planner in the cab she shares with James Marsden’s character (Kevin, “a writer” is all he gives of his profession), who creepily reads through her coming weeks to find when/how he can return the agenda, in doing this he sees that she’s in a million weddings, and does everything from picking the flowers to registering gifts and bringing the dress to the church. Now, Kevin just happens to be the Wedding Commitments writer for the New York Journal (the one that Jane loves and saves all the clippings of his pieces) and he’s cynical of the ceremonies (turns out his lady love left him at the alter) and tired of the job, oh so tired, wanting his break to bigger and better pieces. So, in addition to being smitten by Jane's good looks, he thinks, “feature piece” and the wheels, my friends, are set in motion. One fiasco after another takes place, as in all good movies – and yes, I will admit, while predictable it was enjoyable, I found myself yelling at Jane to grow balls; growling at the bitchy, soulless sister, Tess; and inevitably – with some amount of shame – with tears in my eyes, yearning for the love that every girl dreams of that only exists in these stupid fucking (pardon me) chick flicks – but eventually, everything works out, and the 28th dress Jane puts on is her very own wedding gown. And would you believe it!? When they get married their sarcastic best friends fall for each other at their ceremony - complete with witty remarks. Crazy. Oh, and both of Jane and Kevin's favorite part of wedding ceremonies is when the bride walks in there’s that look of love on the groom’s face.

I didn’t write this to write a review, but it just made me think a lot about relationships, and how nothing ever really works out to plan, unless, after multiple trials and errors you have a writer and director who are just tired at the end and say, oh, well, I suppose these two people are attractive enough that we’ll just throw some things that they have in common here in the end, a Benny and the Jets sing-a-long at a bar in the middle of nowhere New York, and everything will turn out roses in the bride’s bouquet.

EDIT! I got ranty – real ranty, and real crazy after the review. Real. Real. Whoa; apologies to friends and strangers who encountered my slip out of sanity - in my defense I was home for the holidays and rambling and feeling sorry for myself and the lack of good-for-me romantic relationships, like an asshole. (Haruki Murakami writes in Norwegian Wood, "Don't feel sorry for yourself, only assholes do that.") There was one line I did really like in the movie, and it was when Jane said that she was just waiting for someone she loved to be waiting for her at the end of the aisle, and Kevin told her she deserved to be with someone who respected her. Now, again - movies... this doesn't happen in "real life" or the life I've experienced. And I'm not looking to get married right now, doiy!, but I do agree that maybe some things are worth the wait, it's just that I'm kind of impatient and I would like for someone to stick out a hand to hold every now and then, and have me be there special somebody rather than just a number in their late night phone directory. But, life isn’t as they portray it in the movies – though, it did take me a sad number of years to figure that out - and crazy coincidences aren't a part of my everyday existence... usually.

So, yes. I do wish I would’ve watched No Country instead, at least then I could’ve gazed at Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem and Woody Harrelson running around for two hours, getting sweaty and trying to stay alive. Now that’s sexy. Call me crazy, but I’m just a lonely little lady, sitting with my chin in my hand dreaming of a man who inspires mutual feelings and a little romance… and DANCING!!! You gotta dance!

I’ve been thinking about getting some cats. Yeah, plural. ‘Scrazy, right? My Auntie Sandy says they stay out of trouble if they have friends, which one would think is the complete opposite of the truth.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope you got everything you wanted!!

PS - this cover is relatable - hardly happens here, right?! 'Scrazy, again.

PPS - I think it'd be fun to be a bridesmaid (Jane had some pretty sweet dresses, and I like costume parties); weddings are silly - 'slong as there's an open bar (wink)

Animal Collective Stirs My Soul....

Case in point(s):

Fireworks

Street Flash

Summertime Clothes (intro reminds me of Pink Floyd's crazy animal noises song)

And I really, really like this My Girls song, but that Fireworks is super awesome too, yeah? EYAH!!

Concert in DC

More goodness

Give a li'l Smile, Sunshine!

It took me a minute to find this*, but my diligence was wonderfully rewarded. I heard the piece on Jay Allison's This I Believe -- oh no! this website looks to be very inspiring, but oh so distracting from work. And what a cool project, I urge you to read up on the story of Edward R. Murrow starting this in the 1950s - a time of fear and fallout shelters - gathering people from all walks of life around the radio, to hear stories that inspired and gave them hope in a time of dark uncertainty. This project is a wonderful welcome back, especially today, with - everything; it reminds us that we're all in this together, and we're all just trying the best we can, not having a clue of what to do. I think we forget that all too often. Life's hard, but the people you share it with, and the things you do to fill it, make it wonderful, and while it's easy to get caught up in the craziness you feel consuming your life, it's really refreshing to stand back, take a breath, and see how everyone else is doing it - and think, hey, we are all pretty much the same. Flowers in the barrels, man. We all feel the same, in terms of making it through another day. One more thing, Dan Gediman and Allison said something I really like when they were talking about they don't plan to change peoples' beliefs, but they just hope to encourage people to begin the much more difficult task of developing respect for beliefs different from their own. And I think that's wonderful.

Okay, now to what I wanted to talk about in the first place. *Howard White speaks so eloquently of his experiences in communicating/acknowledging everyone he crosses paths with, and his story is very touching - and yes, inspiring, it's true. And he looks like such a nice guy, too! Look at that smile! That's a good smile. Speaking of smiles, people really need to smile more. Now, I'm not saying people should go around smiling all the time, but y'know, if you want to, go ahead. I give you permission; we live in a free smile country. But, then again, maybe you really shouldn't smile all the time. My elementary school nurse, AHH! What was her name? Mrs. Mann - no, that's not possible, because that would be too hilarious. Oh! And I can see her face, cause she was always smiling. Always. When she told you you had a temperature and that you could go home, when she was checking lice, when she examined you for a curved spine, shirtless - kids, not her. Smile, smile, smile - it was almost painful to experience. Like she honestly couldn't help but smile all the time. Though, I do suppose it's better than frowning all the time, right? Right. People who don't return smiles is what really gets me. Like, I get it if I smile at you because you're really, super-duperly sad, and I don't want you to be, and all you can muster up is a lip-chin quiver and more tears - I get that. Or, if you're the Governor of New York - ZING! Fred Armisen, AWESOME! That was really, really great, dead-on. And, apparently Fred's imitation was not warmly received by Mr. Governor... that what Anderson Cooper was going to tell me Monday night, but then he kept saying, "After this break" or, "After we talk with these people who have no idea what they're talking about because they aren't listening to my questions." And then after 15 minutes of promises and lies I got up to do some dishes during commercials. Oh, it's time for Nancy Grace, or whatever comes on after Anderson, awesome. That's really neat. So, I'm guessing you just told us that David Paterson was offended, who isn't that's imitated by an SNL castmate. Go cry about it. If Kristin Wigg played me, occasionally her eyes would cross, she would laugh bark, push people too hard, be drunk off whiskey, possibly stoned, and most likely talking about someone who is standing right behind her. What?! No. Anyway, smiles. There's this woman in my office who is constantly scowling. No joke. It's terrifying. She stalks around the office, shooting darts at anyone who makes eye contact with her, and God forbid you try to smile, because if you do, she'll cut it down mid lip-curl. Even though she never returns it, I can't help but smile at her every day, in hopes that one day her heart with melt and let the office in. I've talked to other people in the office about it, and they agree that she is frightening because of her demeanor. My one friend says she must hate the floor, stomping around like that. And another swears she saw her in the office supply room eating a baby. Well... y'know.

And smiling and hello-ing strangers is so hard to do in the city sometimes, I'd say. It is easier with old people though. Old people love smiling at strangers when they walk down the street. I don't know if it's that we're afraid of each other, or too busy, or too focused on not slipping on the ice... and I understand the 1,000 commute stare, but all the other times, ignoring each other - is it so hard to smile? What about just a head nod? Head nods are so easy, and fun! So, readers, the next time you cross paths with someone and make eye contact, how about a li'l smile? It might be the thing that person needs for a better day; be a pal, stranger.

Stretching is Good

It just is, right? It feels so good. Ahhhhhhhhh! Stretch. My back's a little tight right now, and it's totally my own fault. I was running late for yoga yesterday morning, looking for gloves that were on my hands with the lights off, or something, and I walked in [only] 5 minutes late. They were already getting serious, and rather than warming up and then jumping in later, I jumped in right away and felt my back tighten up when I went into my first chaturanga dandasana (You like how I dropped that pose like I know what I'm talking about? I'm learning, slowly, but surely!), it's part of the sun salutation - good times. I wonder if my muscles needed to be extra warmed up because, while I did walk to the gym, my muscles probably froze a little somewhere along the way. It being -11 degrees outside and all. WONDERFUL WINTER! How you bite me so! So yeah, and then we did the inverted wall thing, or maybe it's an inverted dandasana - you sit with your back against the wall, legs out in front of you and then you mark where your heels were and plant your hands as you go into a tight downdog-ish, and then you just climb up the wall backwards, three or four steps, until your 90 degrees, and you just hang out for a while; it's pretty crazy. Then later the instructor had us doing these crazy hops up to a handstand, and I felt like a mentally challenged rabbit; I laughed a lot and then I stopped. I kind of worry about the instructors at my gym ever since I took a class with one instructor who wasn't correcting people on their form; I noticed people in the class were being sloppy in their movements and she didn't say anything to them, and that's just not good for you and it's distracting for me, and disconcerting, for sure. So now, I'm like, am I doing everything right? I'll ask tomorrow if I can get there early enough. If. Oh.

But this yoga thing is good. I've done pilates in the past, but this is strong stretching to the MAX! And I like the whole meditative practice that goes with it, and focusing on inner peace and connecting to yourself. It's pretty cool. And it feels so good!! WoW! What a way to start the day, I say. Nice. And I have a crazy ridiculous Christmas sweater to wear to the company party tomorrow - FUN TIMES!!! And then I go home to Missouri for Christmastime family fun!!! I hope this evil winter weather doesn't ruin (say it as if you were British) my plans. Ooh! So much to do before then.

Why won't you work, iTunes!!?!

WHY!?!? Alls I want to do is listen to some "Nighttiming" -- well, there we go; napster fixed that. Okay, so it's Coconut Records, and that's Jason Schwartzman, so if you don't like him, or find him annoying, this goodness isn't for you. Not judging you (outloud) just saying. Mojitos, man.

There are many things I should be doing, that I am not. Fancy that! I sorta just cleaned up my room there for a second, and then I ate a cookie. I thought about reading a play about a woman giving birth to stillborn hairless rabbit parts - yeah, I shit you not - set in the Middle Ages with historical facts sprinkled in here and there. I put it down when I tried it last week. No, that sounds pretty silly. Cancel this, I'm going to go do that.

Yeah, bitches! What!?

"Pack up the bags to beat back the clock --" and "We both go together if one falls down" -- "I wish you would put yourself in my suitcase" -- just the yearning in that voice, in that song; the sadness, the worrying... Fuck! Marry me, Mr. Schwartzman, and we can go nighttiming together. And the rockin' Weezer-y guitar. MMMM! RAWR!

So, I tell you: play readin' now, guitar playin' in a bit, and having a good time, all the time.

Latese!

The Internet is MAGIC!

It is. You know this. I know this. We know this together.

So, I apparently finished my work for the day at 10:33 this AM, and since that time, I have changed my gchat status a mere 17 times. I was about to change it for the 18th, and then I chuckled and said to myself, Hey, lady! You have a blog. Stop subjecting gchat friends to your insanity and see if maybe blog buddies would like to laugh, too. Then my surrounding cubemates raised their eyebrows and worriedly whispered to one another. Also, a lot of gchat friends aren't online today because they're either A) Bums and don't work on Friday, or B) being alcoholics at their company's Holiday Parties -- yes, I'm jealous on both accounts; what of it!?! So, I was basically updating my status to make myself laugh, which is primarily why I write this blog. To write, look back, and say, Gee, I sure am witty, and oh! so clever. You can be jealous, it's ok.

Have you ever tried to wink instead of blink? It's fun for a while because it's like - Camera 1. Camera 2. Camera 1. Camera 2., but then you might start to get a little dizzy/nauseous, so don't do it for a long time.

Internet magic started this morning when I was thinking about my first gchat status and what I would put to make my glist friends smile. For some reason The My Little Ponies Movie popped into my head, and it was the easiest thing to find, too, which I found odd since every time I have mentioned this movie to a friend, talking about the Smooze and the little furry guys (bushwoolies) and the scary as shit spider-thing, Ahgg, I only received blank stares and head shakes... apparently everyone wasn't as awesome as I was/am - that's all I'm saying, because it was a really good movie, and if you couldn't tell from the wikipedia page, then how about this more detailed/rainbowed plot AND song lyrics!?!?! JUST LOOK AT THE CAST IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!!! The 80s loved fantasy movies, hello, WILLOW!!!

Then, my dearest friend, Lisaface, sent me this little gem of splendidity!!! Hilarious feigned anger at the cutest wittle animals, ever (say it like you're talking to a little baby gorilla just before her silverbacked father unexpectedly charges out of the brush)!!
--The squirrel post lead me to this page, which, sadly for the people who frequent this site, does not appear to be a joke. People love squirrels? That's crazy!!!! This one time in high school, I was walking down the street with a friend and this squirrel stalked and chirped at us for over four blocks from the branches above before blocking our path and freaking us out, rightfully so, rabies-infested critter. But, I just thought, what if it was a boy squirrel, and in love with us like the little girl squirrel from Sword in the Stone? Oh, her heart was broken when Arthur turned back into a boy.And, then my office bestie, Mikey Boy, sent me this great, doctored gmail image from the North Pole to celebrate the Holiday season.

Searching on that HOLYTACO site, I saw this post and immediately vomitted in my mouth, but then I thought, I wish he would've covered it in chocolate first, or deep-fried it (again?) or both; I went into a food coma just imagining it.

Then I was just thinking about how much I was enjoying the music I was listening to.

I was happily surfing the 'net when my bossman decided there was work to be done after all. Really, man!? I was bored for an hour, and there was nothing, but as soon as I try to do something productive-ish with my time, here you come with accounts that need to be built, and customers that need to have their business contracts upheld, or something.

But then Lisa sent me this, and I think it could entertaining, and useful if you were doing a research project, and I was looking at it, and then my bossman came over this time and said, "Hey, can you make this Animal Hospital sound accredited?" And I had no choice but to close out my funtime windows, smile, and say, Sure thing, boss!

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine-ah. So, I hope you enjoyed looking at those sites you sent me, for a second time, Mike and Lisa; and Ash and Svobods I hope some of them made you laugh/barf, respectively.

And remember, the Easter Bunny doesn't fucking roll on Shabbas.

It's the Thee-a-tah, People

Last night I helped out my old intern boss/mentor/hero by volunteering at her fabulous soiree, in her friends' amazing Old Town home -- seriously, amazing; original art covered the walls (the painter among the couple in residence), high ceilings and East-facing windows, hardwood floors (in the kitchen the HW floor extended up the side of the wall to form the coolest bench I've ever seen, ever!), marble counter tops, space, space, space, a sliding library-like ladder helped them get to up-high things in the kitchen, and there was even a bidet in the bathroom (a fuckin' bidet!!!)! Soooooooo fancy!! And, they had the best, most un-pathetic, HUGE Charlie Brown Christmas tree, EVER!!! (It kinda looked like this, but probably around 13-14' and slightly fuller, and way more decorated.)The soiree was a little thank-you get-together type of deal for the amazing donors, board members, playwrights, and actors that contribute to the best thing Chicago theatre has to offer this city, country, and - dare I say it? - world! I love volunteer work, especially if it's a favor to a friend, and even more if I get to dress fancy.

This party was fancy! The wine and beer flowed, the hors d'oeuvres were splendidly delicious, and the crowd was fabulous all around.

I do have to say I was slightly nervous in the beginning; I don't really like grown-ups, or meeting new people - they both make me kind of anxious - and there was a lot of both going on. Luckily, I was kept busy with welcoming people and getting them name tagged, signed in and what-not, and by the time I was walking around being a paparazzi (these services were requested of me) peoples' cheeks were flushing from the alcohol. And, let me just say for the record, the attendees were some of the most outrageously incredible and good-hearted people I've encountered in a while - not a bad seed in the whole lot! But, then again, it's a theatre function, so I should've known to expect that. Plus, I knew all the people I worked with and I was introduced to a lot of new people as the night wore on - I think it's the crowds and the noise that overwhelm me, or perhaps, more pointedly put, my lack of self-confidence (which is the most annoying thing in the world - get over it already, right?!?! Sheesh!) and self-promotion, but with practice and kind smiles from strangers turning into friends *and-ah some wine-ah* I had a great time!

#1 -- I've been struggling with my writing, or more specifically, playwriting habits for a while now... my dedication is severely lacking. One thing I always use, and this is probably going to make me sound crazy - but what doesn't 'cause I kinda am!ish - is the Edward Albee excuse, as I've grown to call it. My playwriting professor/hero/Jewish Mother (though he's a man - he referred to himself as the JM) in college is good friends with Mr. Albee, and he would mention the man at least once a class, and hell! I would, too! Shucks, stories of stories about Albee telling David about how Tennessee Williams would come over and hang out at his pool in the summertime, and lounge, and drink, and laugh - stories, complete with accents (all!), about how Edward took David and his two young sons to watch a snake being fed mice in the Geology building on campus, and commented on how the snake devoured the poor, helpless, stupid little creatures. And, of course, the Edward Albee method of keeping his characters in his head, completely to himself, until he knows them well enough to write them down and make them permanent - sometimes he does this for months, or years; walking around with them, having conversations, fine-tuning the details. Call it what you will: multiple personalities disorder, schizophrenia, Sally Fields... I think it's good. And, I think it's smart, because I've read this, and experienced it myself, once you tell someone something, there isn't as strong of an urge to write it down anymore - it's already off your chest. Usually, this is a bad thing for me; I'm a writer, which for me translates to: I'm awkward; I fumble over my words, get caught up in the story so much that I skip the details and go straight to the end, or get caught up in the details and there is no end. Sometimes my writing probably displays this, and I know I've got some work to do.

But, last night, a match was lit under my ass (and a giant flame burst forth because I farted - ha! No, no, no. I didn't really! But, have you ever done that? Hilarious. This one time... at South Padre... another time, another place); inspiration hit me full force, a powerful yearning to sit silently and write for a long time, whether pen scratching across a page, or fingers flying across a keyboard. It started when Russ Tutterow, the Artistic Director, gave a little introduction to the scene of the upcoming production, How I Became An Interesting Person. He spoke so eloquently of the good work that playwrights do; the toiling, the sacrifice, the poured out soul, and how, without the playwright, the actors and audience could not be challenged, excited, or inspired. So many times I feel like the writer is overlooked by the audience craning to catch a glimpse of the actor, but maybe that's the best thing, that you've composed something so beautiful, moving, and real that you convinced your viewers that your words are truly the actor's words, instead of vice verse.

As I was waiting for new arrivals to unbundle, I picked up a pamphlet from the table, and inside there was this lovely quote from the magnificent Mr. Oscar Wilde:

I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being.

.

And it made me think about how I felt when it first clicked that I wanted to write for theatre. I want to tell stories, and thank goodness I wasn't around in the prehistoric days when they told stories instead of writing them down - oh, how terrible it would've been for me, as I've already told you, I'm not that great of an oral storyteller... unless I write it down first, wink.

.

#2 -- The people I met; networking, I guess you could call it, as I told people how while I have a job, it doesn't stir my soul like I wish it would. I met lawyers, bankers, concierges, musicians, and artists, among others. And they all told me, in more or less words, to follow my dreams, and not let anyone tell me otherwise. One fabulous man I was talking to, the Concierge, told me that we're all OJT, or "on the job training" and it reminded me of something Kurt Vonnegut said about how we all only just got here, and we all don't know what we're doing, but we're going to try to figure it out nonetheless; he was really inspiring, and hilarious, and I left the party holding onto my dreams tighter than before, because they're mine, and no one can take them away from me. That last part sounds pretty cheesy, but it's true; sometimes dreams are the only things we have, and believe me, as an imaginary playwright, I dream a lot.

.

I want to pick apples; write for papers; organize events; live on a commune; bake breads, pastries, and desserts; give hiking tours in the Southwest mountains; teach children English overseas, or anything in general over here; deliver mail; operate a hot air balloon; travel the world; run across a state, or the entire country; drive a truck; sail the seas - and write about it all. But, wait, okay, maybe not those last two, as I clung white-knuckled to the wheel of the U-Haul from Columbia, Missouri to St. Joseph, through Iowa and into Chicago... and I used to get terribly seasick whenever I went deep sea fishing off the coast of NJ. I'm young, and there's nothing keeping me from doing all of these things but myself... so I need to doppelgänger myself and say, GET MOVING, OR GET OUTTA THE WAY!!