Mr. Carlin and his Vest

"There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them you can't say on television," Carlin would say in a routine in the '70s. "What a ratio that is: 399,993 to seven. They must really be bad."

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91791901

"Oh.. there's a moment.. coming. There's a moment coming, it's.. it's not here yet. It's on the way.. It's still in the future. Here.. here it is! [ a beat ] Oh.. it's gone, man. There's no present, man. Everything is the near future and the recent past. No wonder we can't get anything together, we've got no time, huh?" from the first SNL, ever.

"Why is there no blue food? I can't find blue food - I can't find the flavor of blue! I mean, green is lime; yellow is lemon; orange is orange; red is cherry; what's blue? There's no blue! Oh, they say, "Blueberries!" Uh-uh; blue on the vine, purple on the plate. There's no blue food! Where is the blue food? We want the blue food! Probably instores immortality! They're keeping it from us! " from the same show.

Again, same show: "But, uh - we are so conceited about this God concept, that we, we'll go around describing Him to each other. I mean, we say, "He's infinite, and we can never undertand Him - but I'll describe him for 'ya!" What - well, here's what it's like - first of all, first of all, uh, He knows everything. He knows absolutely everything. I don't even know what I'm talking about, He knows what I mean. Secondly, He never started and He's never gonna end. And third, He is all powerful. He can do anything. He can throw a car right over a wall. He's just like us - He's a cool guy, that's all God is, a cool guy. That's what all the religions told us: "He's like us, He's us." That's what all the big ones, all the big religions said, "Love yourself, Love your God, Love your neighbor, because you're all basically the same person. We just don't have uniforms yet, that's all."

... along the same vein and from the same show, "Religion - religion, at best - at BEST - is like a lift in your shoe. If you need it for a while, and it makes you walk straight and feel better - fine. But you don't need it forever, or you can become permanently disabled. Religion is like a lift in the shoe, and I say just don't ask me to wear your shoes. And let's not go down and nail lifts onto the natives' feet."

Smart, and funny guy. Only 71. That doesn't seem so old, I mean I guess it kind of is, but not really all at the same time.