Hmm. Hmm. Well, Alright.

Well, let's decompress here. Let's sort it all out. Because my mind is racing and second guessing itself right now.

I just had an interview for a reality television show to compete for a position as a personal assistant to a very powerful business mogul. I really would like this opportunity and I think I expressed that very clearly, mostly in the application I wrote (that turned out to be about book length - who'd've guessed, I'm a rambler). I fear I wasn't sassy enough. Some sassiness was needed when the interviewer told me that I was the whitest girl, ever, and wouldn't be able to hold my own in a VIP club setting, brushing elbows with big wigs and celebrities. I take offense, sir! I was also very taken aback and don't think I responded as I should've. I should've (look at me, shoulda, coulda, woulda - shit!) said, "Hey! Fuck you, dude. I had to fight my way into school in fifth grade, because I was the minority. And you're really white! And wearing sunglasses, inside." But I didn't. I didn't tell him about the time I had to fight Nicole Hicks behind the music room during recess because girl wouldn't stop talking shit. She slapped me, and I flared my nostrils and took off my glasses, giving them to Tisheya to hold, thereafter proceeding to push, kick and hit Nicky into the fence. Man. Bitch didn't bother me after that. Also, I watched "Friday" when I was 10, with Cherrelle, and I made Mac and Cheese and she brought over funyons. Yo. My first boyfriend was black, and apparently the only reason he dated me was because I was the only girl in sixth grade with boobs. Too bad they stopped growing after that, and then I found out he cheated on me with Kerri G. (who later turned out to get preggers in seventh grade, and got in a cat fight on the staircase with the other preggers 7th grader, Sarah) -- goodbye! That sucked. Maybe I should've told dude that I always wished I was black and beautiful. I loved how on "30 Rock" this week Tina and Jack discussed how they can't tell the age of black people. What?! Samuel L. Jackson isn't 27? 61!! Whoa! Yeah. Beautiful people, aging so gracefully. White people just get all wrinkley and liver spotty and shit. FUCK! Man! I'm so good on paper and I fail in person is how I'm feeling right now. And I hate how everyone I know is like, "OH MY GOD! You are the only one of my friends who I would love to watch on TV." And it's not like I have boring friends, I'm just crazy. And shit! Just give me a fucking chance. I was only trying to keep myself composed for the "job interview" aspect, but they probably wanted somebody crazier. Damnit, I'm so crazy. And... oh well, nothing to lose and everything to gain, right? I didn't walk in there already having something, so whatever. Things are supposed to happen for a reason, right? I'm not sure if I actually believe that, but a lot of people say it... and so far, life's turned out alright-ish. I shoulda shook him like Adam Sandler's Billy Madison did to that fat third grader, telling him to never grow up. I shoulda said, "Give me this fucking job, motherfucker!" But, guess what? I didn't. Alright, so we pick up, we move on. We put this experience in our pocket as experience gained. And now I've got to go put a band-aid on my heel because I wore stupid pumps for nothin'. And shit, I shared with 'em my most embarrassing experience ever! Like, ever ever. Terrible. I might write about that later.

Man, how to convey to strangers that I rock? Dude was dissing me the whole time, and I think I gave boring answers. SHIT! I'm done thinking about this online, with you. It's just a waste of time.

In other news: Diego Luna came into my pub last Friday, probs in town for the Latino Film Festival. I didn't really know it was him until after, and it turns out I've never seen anything he was in and I just thought he was some dirty, handsome hipster with a lot of Mexican male friends - totally his entourage. But we made eye contact and it was sultry. Then, my coworker, the sassiest tranny of them all, Rubes (I call him), said, "Oh girl, he is married to one of the most beautiful women in the world." (I guess she's cute - whatever.)