First session's example play for the children.
July 9, 2008
CHARACTERS
CAMILLA, 11. She prizes the frilliest, most girlie things in life.
PORTER, 47. A very stern man when it comes to business, but a daughter’s father at heart.
MR. HR SOCKSTON, a monkey. Sock monkey from Timbuktu, with a terrible flatulence.
TIME
Turn of the 20th Century
PLACE
The Cavendish country home. A grand white cottage with acres of land.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
NARRATOR
Here is Camilla Cavendish. She is a young girl of 11 years, on the eve of her twelfth birthday. Right now she is dreaming of nothing more than owning her own unicorn.
CHARACTERS
CAMILLA, 11. She prizes the frilliest, most girlie things in life.
PORTER, 47. A very stern man when it comes to business, but a daughter’s father at heart.
MR. HR SOCKSTON, a monkey. Sock monkey from Timbuktu, with a terrible flatulence.
TIME
Turn of the 20th Century
PLACE
The Cavendish country home. A grand white cottage with acres of land.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
NARRATOR
Here is Camilla Cavendish. She is a young girl of 11 years, on the eve of her twelfth birthday. Right now she is dreaming of nothing more than owning her own unicorn.
.
CAMILLA
My unicorn will be the prettiest unicorn with a long rainbow mane and a horn made out of sparkles. Her name will be Princess Petal and I will ride her to school instead of having Mr. Jeffrey drive me. All the girls will be incredibly jealous because only I will have a unicorn, and I won’t let anyone ride her because –
.
PORTER
Camilla! Camilla, darling.
CAMILLA
Yes, Father?
PORTER
Good morning, little one. How are you feeling?
CAMILLA
Very wonderful. And how are you dear Daddy?
PORTER
Camilla! Camilla, darling.
CAMILLA
Yes, Father?
PORTER
Good morning, little one. How are you feeling?
CAMILLA
Very wonderful. And how are you dear Daddy?
PORTER
Very well indeed. I am feeling refreshed. This time in the country has been well spent. Are you ready to go back to the city for your big party tomorrow?
CAMILLA
Almost. Ms. Geraldine said she would help me pack my things after tea time.
PORTER
We’re leaving at dusk.
[Turns to leave]
CAMILLA
Father. When shall I receive my gift from you?
PORTER
Why on your birthday, of course. We don’t want to ruin any surprises for your guests now do we?
CAMILLA
Well, I just thought it might be nice to practice riding Petal before everyone saw me with her.
PORTER
Who’s Petal?
CAMILLA
Princess Petal. She’s my unicorn. The one you got me. I saw her shadow outside last night, and I smelled her in the barn.
PORTER
Camilla. Camilla. That imagination of yours.
CAMILLA
Father, I ought to practice so I don’t make a fool of myself in front of my friends.
PORTER
I cannot permit that.
CAMILLA
So you did get me a unicorn?!
PORTER
I did not.
CAMILLA
You’re just saying that. I know it’s in the barn. You must bathe her first. She is dreadfully smelly.
PORTER
Camilla. I must ask you to stop this monkey business.
CAMILLA
I promise I’ll still act surprised. I promise! Just let me see her.
PORTER
No.
CAMILLA
Almost. Ms. Geraldine said she would help me pack my things after tea time.
PORTER
We’re leaving at dusk.
[Turns to leave]
CAMILLA
Father. When shall I receive my gift from you?
PORTER
Why on your birthday, of course. We don’t want to ruin any surprises for your guests now do we?
CAMILLA
Well, I just thought it might be nice to practice riding Petal before everyone saw me with her.
PORTER
Who’s Petal?
CAMILLA
Princess Petal. She’s my unicorn. The one you got me. I saw her shadow outside last night, and I smelled her in the barn.
PORTER
Camilla. Camilla. That imagination of yours.
CAMILLA
Father, I ought to practice so I don’t make a fool of myself in front of my friends.
PORTER
I cannot permit that.
CAMILLA
So you did get me a unicorn?!
PORTER
I did not.
CAMILLA
You’re just saying that. I know it’s in the barn. You must bathe her first. She is dreadfully smelly.
PORTER
Camilla. I must ask you to stop this monkey business.
CAMILLA
I promise I’ll still act surprised. I promise! Just let me see her.
PORTER
No.
.
CAMILLA
So it is a unicorn! I knew it, I knew it! You brought her back with you from Africa!
[Hugs PORTER]
Oh thank you, thank you, Father!
PORTER
Camilla, dear. Do not get your hopes up for that which you cannot see and know for certain.
CAMILLA
But all I’ve asked for is a unicorn, and nothing else!
PORTER
You will see tomorrow.
CAMILLA
So it is a unicorn! I knew it, I knew it! You brought her back with you from Africa!
[Hugs PORTER]
Oh thank you, thank you, Father!
PORTER
Camilla, dear. Do not get your hopes up for that which you cannot see and know for certain.
CAMILLA
But all I’ve asked for is a unicorn, and nothing else!
PORTER
You will see tomorrow.
CAMILLA
I want to know now!
PORTER
Tomorrow, Camilla. Now that’s enough! [Beat] Breakfast is ready. Will you please join me?
CAMILLA
Humph!
PORTER
Please, Camilla. I would very much enjoy your company – without the talk of unicorns.
CAMILLA
PORTER
Tomorrow, Camilla. Now that’s enough! [Beat] Breakfast is ready. Will you please join me?
CAMILLA
Humph!
PORTER
Please, Camilla. I would very much enjoy your company – without the talk of unicorns.
CAMILLA
Fine. I won’t speak at all.
[CLICK, CLICK, CLANK: In the kitchen]
CAMILLA
What’s that awful smell? Has the caviar gone bad?
PORTER
Oh no, no. I don’t smell anything. It must be your imagination again.
CAMILLA
No, Father. It smells rotten. Like rotten garbage sitting in the sun on the city sidewalk before the trash trolley comes around.
PORTER
[CLICK, CLICK, CLANK: In the kitchen]
CAMILLA
What’s that awful smell? Has the caviar gone bad?
PORTER
Oh no, no. I don’t smell anything. It must be your imagination again.
CAMILLA
No, Father. It smells rotten. Like rotten garbage sitting in the sun on the city sidewalk before the trash trolley comes around.
PORTER
Eat your breakfast. Pay no mind. I’m sure Ms. Geraldine is just cleaning out the icebox.
[Monkey squawk. MS. GERALDINE screams]
CAMILLA
[Monkey squawk. MS. GERALDINE screams]
CAMILLA
Father!
PORTER
No. There’s nothing.
MS. GERALDINE
[Off-stage] It got out, Mr. Cavendish! The smelly, smart beast got out, and ‘e bit me!
PORTER
Oh no!
CAMILLA
PORTER
No. There’s nothing.
MS. GERALDINE
[Off-stage] It got out, Mr. Cavendish! The smelly, smart beast got out, and ‘e bit me!
PORTER
Oh no!
CAMILLA
Father! Father! What is it? What’s in there?
MS. GERALDINE
[Off-stage] ‘ere ‘e comes!
[Enter HR SOCKSTON]
CAMILLA
MS. GERALDINE
[Off-stage] ‘ere ‘e comes!
[Enter HR SOCKSTON]
CAMILLA
A monkey?!
.
.
PORTER
For you. [Beat] Happy birthday.
[Pause. Every character inspects one another]
CAMILLA
For you. [Beat] Happy birthday.
[Pause. Every character inspects one another]
CAMILLA
But I don’t want a monkey! I want a unicorn!
PORTER
Camilla, dear. Please.
CAMILLA
Unless this is a magic monkey that can turn into a unicorn I’ll have nothing to do with him.
[HR SOCKSTON farts]
CAMILLA
What a ghastly creature!
PORTER
He’ll take some getting used to, but they make wonderful pets.
MS. GERALDINE
[Off-stage] I’m bleeding, sir! ‘E ‘as sharp as razor teeth. Mr. Jeffrey is taking me to the ‘ospital.
CAMILLA
He is dangerous! I won’t have him.
PORTER
I had a monkey when I was a boy your age, Phinneus Jack, he was the best -
CAMILLA
You were a boy! I’m a girl! I don’t want a mean, dirty monkey!
[HR SOCKSTON climbs up to PORTER]
PORTER
Look. He’s a good monkey. Ms. Geraldine frightened him is all.
CAMILLA
No! I will not have him.
[HR SOCKSTON farts again]
PORTER
He does smell a bit.
CAMILLA
A bit?! A pig would be better behaved.
[HR SOCKSTON moves halfway to CAMILLA]
CAMILLA
Get him, Father! Keep him away from me.
PORTER
The best pet –
CAMILLA
Would be a unicorn! I hate him and I hate you for bringing him here.
PORTER
You don’t mean that.
PORTER
Camilla, dear. Please.
CAMILLA
Unless this is a magic monkey that can turn into a unicorn I’ll have nothing to do with him.
[HR SOCKSTON farts]
CAMILLA
What a ghastly creature!
PORTER
He’ll take some getting used to, but they make wonderful pets.
MS. GERALDINE
[Off-stage] I’m bleeding, sir! ‘E ‘as sharp as razor teeth. Mr. Jeffrey is taking me to the ‘ospital.
CAMILLA
He is dangerous! I won’t have him.
PORTER
I had a monkey when I was a boy your age, Phinneus Jack, he was the best -
CAMILLA
You were a boy! I’m a girl! I don’t want a mean, dirty monkey!
[HR SOCKSTON climbs up to PORTER]
PORTER
Look. He’s a good monkey. Ms. Geraldine frightened him is all.
CAMILLA
No! I will not have him.
[HR SOCKSTON farts again]
PORTER
He does smell a bit.
CAMILLA
A bit?! A pig would be better behaved.
[HR SOCKSTON moves halfway to CAMILLA]
CAMILLA
Get him, Father! Keep him away from me.
PORTER
The best pet –
CAMILLA
Would be a unicorn! I hate him and I hate you for bringing him here.
PORTER
You don’t mean that.
[HR SOCKSTON farts once more]
CAMILLA
I do! I do! [Crying] I don’t want a smelly monkey! Emilie got an iguana for her birthday and now no one plays with her. What do you think will happen to me when I receive this filthy monkey in front of everyone?
PORTER
I think you should give him a chance.
CAMILLA
Lily got a pony, and she knows I want a unicorn. I’ll never hear the end of it.
[HR SOCKSTON moves closer to CAMILLA and farts again]
PORTER
Monkeys are far more exotic than iguanas. He’s from the African jungle, whereas I assume the iguana came from a pet shop.
CAMILLA
CAMILLA
I do! I do! [Crying] I don’t want a smelly monkey! Emilie got an iguana for her birthday and now no one plays with her. What do you think will happen to me when I receive this filthy monkey in front of everyone?
PORTER
I think you should give him a chance.
CAMILLA
Lily got a pony, and she knows I want a unicorn. I’ll never hear the end of it.
[HR SOCKSTON moves closer to CAMILLA and farts again]
PORTER
Monkeys are far more exotic than iguanas. He’s from the African jungle, whereas I assume the iguana came from a pet shop.
CAMILLA
Will he ever stop passing gas?!
PORTER
Eventually, but first he needs to get used to his new diet.
CAMILLA
He is a tad cute. I do like his hat.
PORTER
There you are.
[HR SOCKSTON moves closer and eats a fly]
CAMILLA
Ewwww!
PORTER
Now that fly won’t bother you.
CAMILLA
That’s true.
PORTER
I think he already likes you.
CAMILLA
I don’t want him to bite me. I’m scared.
PORTER
It’s okay.
[CAMILLA holds HR SOCKSTON, he wipes a tear from her eye]
CAMILLA
Maybe he isn’t so bad after all.
PORTER
There you do. What are you going to call him?
CAMILLA
Hugo Randolph Sockston. Mr. HR Sockston for short.
PORTER
Very good. Very good. Happy birthday, Camilla dear.
PORTER
Eventually, but first he needs to get used to his new diet.
CAMILLA
He is a tad cute. I do like his hat.
PORTER
There you are.
[HR SOCKSTON moves closer and eats a fly]
CAMILLA
Ewwww!
PORTER
Now that fly won’t bother you.
CAMILLA
That’s true.
PORTER
I think he already likes you.
CAMILLA
I don’t want him to bite me. I’m scared.
PORTER
It’s okay.
[CAMILLA holds HR SOCKSTON, he wipes a tear from her eye]
CAMILLA
Maybe he isn’t so bad after all.
PORTER
There you do. What are you going to call him?
CAMILLA
Hugo Randolph Sockston. Mr. HR Sockston for short.
PORTER
Very good. Very good. Happy birthday, Camilla dear.
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