Another Airport Adventure

Man, it's another case of "coulda, shoulda, woulda" as it seemingly goes for most things in my life... especially involving the airport. God, I hate flying. I mean, I love that it gets me places I'm going super fast... unless I miss my flight by missing the check-in luggage deadline of 45 minutes pre-flight by two minutes because O'Hare's terminals are poorly marked and then when I frantically ask someone if they know which way is which they point me in the opposite direction, and I run and run like the McCallisters (minus Kevin) and then when I run up the stairs, passing people on the escalator they say, "Oh, you're strong." And I want to say, "Oh, you take up a lot of space on those moving stairs and if there wasn't so much space between us and if I wasn't insanely late I would jump over this partition and punch you." So, I was in Terminal 1, but that was only for carry-ons so I cried and ran to what I thought was Terminal 2, but no, it was just a slow moving shuttle to Terminal 2 that I totally coulda ran to. And I shoula taken that cab that honked at me and I woulda made the train I just missed and I shoulda gone with my gut instinct of Terminal 2 to begin with, and then I woulda been on a plane right now... oh woe. Is me. So it goes.

But then it was also good, because I realized that I am incredibly strong, like Incredible Hulk strong because I had to quell my strength so as not to pick up my suitcase and throw it through the glass doors, because then I would probably not make it to New Jersey today. At least I'm not on stand-by.

Airports make me hate humanity.

And slow zones on the Blue Line make me want to rip the seats from the fixtures and scream like an animal. And then I would rip my ovaries out like that silverback gorilla does in "Congo" and throw them at the conductor and say, "GO THE SPEED LIMIT" and then I would cry and whimper, "I don't want to miss my flight" and then I would curl into a fetal position and rock myself to sleep, sprinkling my dreams with salty tears.

I'm going to Joisey! I'm excited! I'm moving to Korea! I'm scared!

My friend, Lauren, brings up an interesting point...

So come on, come on, come on and laugh and dance with me...