Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Really Awesome Candy

Benji Hughes!! I finally got my copy of "A Love Extreme" - it's been on my list for quite some time now, and I luvrf it. Listen to some of the songs, they're about love; pop-y funtimes with quirky, lovely lyrics. The melodies and stories become one in "A Love Extreme" because it seems they are... in love, with eachother, the music and lyrics (which I watched the end and beginning of Friday night, then switched over to "Slaughterhouse Five" but that's not now, and I digress). From an electronic note to his neighbor down the hall to a love ballad about a girl in a tower, Benji covers all genres of music; he's everywhere from Weezer to Poison to Elvis Costello. Enjoy.Also, is it just me or does Mr. Hughes bear a slight resemblance to the dearly departed, Mr. Mitch Hedberg? Probably just the sunglasses, shaggy hair and my overexposure to the sun. Or, they could be brothers.

Friday, July 10, 2009

So it goes...

Rothbury. I don't even know where to begin. How about the beginning? (Note: might I recommend a bathroom/water/stretch break now as I feel a long-winded explanation of things to come.)

Wednesday, July 1, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of joy as I ran my errands for the day; it was one of those days that just make you feel happy that you're alive, aka., Summertime. Smiling was inevitable. My musical partner for the trip, Katie Baby (nickname came from guy hitting on me at an MU party, sophomore year, he kept saying, "Katie! Katie, Baby!" and naturally I gave him the cold shoulder because he called me, "Katie" but Ms. VH and I use it happily to call each other) arrived around 10:30pm and we hit the hay around 11pm, waking in the bird infested pre-dawn darkness at 2:33a. A quick trip to Jewel and a few head slaps at forgotten items later, we hit the road at 3:37a. On the road, via texts from other Rothbury friends, we find out that Roth opened the gates at 10pm Wednesday night, instead of the called for 8am Thursday time. Uncool. Uncool. But, hey, there's nothing we can do, but keep going how we're going. One good thing about the gates opening early was the cut in waiting time - we were probably only in line for an hour, or so. I got a sinking feeling in my chest as we pulled into the campgrounds, surrounded by unfamiliar, far off seeming landmarks of highways and fence borders... this looks miles away from last year, and to prove it, a map of camping locations relative to the festival grounds (if you'll note the main stage is in the top left-hand corner, the entrance to music just below the center lake... our camping spot last year was just before the second cluster of trees off the main road, on the left of center... this year, this year we were camped in the lower right-hand corner, down about 12 tents from the barn, on the right - that's right, we walked).
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Though the distance was there, excitement was also in the air. As Katie and I were driving to our camping spot, a tall man was running down the line of cars, throwing up high fives; he stopped at our car to catch his breath, hooted and hollered, gave another high five, we laughed and I gave him an ice cold one. "Why not? It's 9:30. It's Rothbury. I already drank a case. What's one more!?" YEAH!! He took his brewski and continued down the line of cars, shouting exultations.
(Above: view grounds from roof of car, KVH. Note: music straight ahead and to the left) Our neighbors were Max and Susie from DC, and Elliot, Colby and Derek from Iowa. We were all smiles. The clouds were perfect nap coverage, so Katie and I took advantage of the cool afternoon and snuggled down; in the tiny tent I threatened farts as we were head-to-feet and my butt was in her face; I laughed, she smacked.

Going into the music Thursday night, we were ready with bubbles and glow in tow. The glow served a dual purpose as a whistle, and so Katie and I made a pact to blow twice if we ever got lost/separated; "Two whistles and we know it's us."

An older, balding gentleman, who was in front of us at the entrance, in a mini-van with his two 20something kids from NY decorated for the Dead, now walked down the dusty lane and said, with goggles on his head, "Don't be afraid to swim upstream."

Thursday night tunes: Toubab Krewe, reminded me of Funkadelic's "Who Says...". Mosied through Keller Williams, who seems to be the DMB of festy jam tunes, also somehow he was integrated into other artist's acts. Baffling. The rocking baby picture was taken at Davy Knowles and the Back Door Slam, lead lead is from the Isle of Man and heavily influenced by Dire Straits. He also recorded a song with Frampton, it sounds very Frampton. Lifesavas and the Mighty Underdogs DJin' MJ shit from the Quannum All Stars. Future Rock was synth happy and bass heavy, super trance! I really liked Lotus. Katie and I opted for a seated side view, and watched the music and lights wash over the captivated crowd with guitar revelation. I really liked 'em. Really a lot. Agreed with the guy grinning giantly, one of the best sets of the fest. For sure. And spectacular lighting, too, but that can be said for a lot, if not all, of the shows. OH MY GOD! The Cool Kids, yes! Yes! They were so good. Ooh! And on the way from Future Rock to Lotus, I found a branch/walking stick that instantly became both a blessing and a burden, though it was the perfect dancing accessory to the hip-hop happiness and stirring it up while shaking it down. I was very happy to finally see the Cold War Kids live, and they were fantastic! Notes while waiting for the CWK:

Want of sleep vs. Want of music.

Sleepaftermusic.
Patience is a virtue.


the jolly policemen
walk past the friendly
game of frisbee and
I say, Hello Rothbury.

The smoke and fog set the stage for the Cold War Kids to appear.

"Hey, Dan."
Dan. Dan. Dan. Dan.... Dan Dan Dan.

I think it wass -- zzzzz
all the Red Bull. (we need to ration the RB from now on)

Technical difficulties with DAN

Jesus walked across
the stage after
the first song,
(he's lingering in the wings in case something goes wrong)

Result of waiting through the mic check 1-2-3. CWK, can I do that? I'm doing that. I dug 'em. I like the Bluesy-rock vibe, and he sure is a phrase repeater, but there's just something about that voice. Wow. 3-4 Red Bulls each seemed a necessary thing as three hours of sleep, then driving and dancing takes toll on the mind, body and soul, all which Red Balls revitalizes! "I'm pissing neon green Minotaur."

At Disco Biscuits,
the stars twinkled and
spoke while the viking
sat laughing nearby.

Though we caught a lot, and I'm impressed with Katie's and my endurance through the weekend, I wish we would've caught the Glitch Mob, and gotten to Man Man's musical mess before the last song, but we did run. We also missed a bluegrass band Katie wanted to see on Saturday, but hey! only missin' 3 out of lots, that's great!

FRIDAY!! Yoga in the morning, and it feels soooo good!! Oh wow. I've never practiced outside before, or with so many people, and it was a perfect peace before the embarking on another day of dancing. There were pigeons and crows and eagles and bows and warriors, dogs both down and up, and even chanting. It was a wonderful way to welcome the day. Then I ran into a friend on the way back to the tent, and another two showed up on their way to the tunes - happiness!

After a nap, we ran the last bit of forest to Man Man. G. Love & Special Sauce was surprisingly honky tonk and white, as I was expecting something in the West Coast line of Mr. Nate Dog and the Warren to the G, funk. Martin Sexton, "coulda sworn it was Keller Williams, and think so as perhaps Martin thanked him later on... hmm, go home Keller, this ain't your show." Rebelution, great reggae. Broken Social Scene made me happy to relive pubescent years. The African sun shone through Femi Kuti & the Positive Force's set in joyous celebration preaching love and togetherness in their golden glow. Damien Marley and Nas were disappointing, to say the least. Soulive and I were in the same place physically, but I think I was napping with my eyes open. Strolled through and refilled water to Flogging Molly's Irish rock which was more pleasant in person I'm happy to report.

Nap and recoup. Glow up and penguin in. Unfortunately, we made it back in the beginning-to-middle of String Cheese's second set. The whole scene reminded me of being in the South Park episode when a festival comes to town and they have to drill through the amassing crowd of hippies and blast death metal so they disperse. You know that one? The jamming was non-stop and played out, basically the band sounded like it was dying onstage. SCI went so far as to have acrobatics, professional glow hoopin' and big balls bouncing through the crowds - with a red one big enough to crush a group of 14 people in one bounce - to distract us from their lame tunes.
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Boredom called for adventure and we frolicked into the forest to freak people out in my peguin-ness. I caused an incurable giggling episode and exit by a burly bearded bear of a man when Katie and I entered the tree tee pee. Some kid from Florida wanted to take a picture with me, and it all went downhill from there. I'm tell you, I was mobbed as this penguin. A penguin needs peace! And there I was, waddling around, and everyone calling me out on it; just trying to enjoy myself like anyone else and I get swarmed like Daisy Duck at Disney World.
Holding hand to flipper - or, wait, is it fin? - Katie and I skipped to Chromeo, who reminded us who they were in every song, though always differently to keep interest up. The lights were bright and the music, bopping. From behind their glowing legs came flashy sounds and shaking songs.
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I loved to hate Girl Talk, a lot. I'm pretty certain I love it right now. Though the mixes and blends are obscene and outrageous in terms of pairing choices, everything fits so seamlessly like it was always meant to be. So much fun, Greg Gillis truly knows how to make a party, even though he does dance like Igor, he composes like a mad scientist, bending and lurching between his computer turn table system and exciting the crowd by hop-hop-hoppin' around. The screen behind him often flashed through the otherwise dark night, "I AM NOT A DJ (GIRL TALK)" and other things Club Kids love. A penguin went on stage and had it not been the end of the set, I woulda run for it and embraced it in a loving penguin hug - it was a goal to meet the penguin while in penguin (I saw him the next day, I was not in penguin, a greeting seemed not appropriate. Later, I was informed there was also another girl penguin, and overheard people saying, "There's so many penguins this year.") It was chilly. STS9 sounded crisp.
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SATURDAY, ooh! The fourth! Happy FREEDOMS!
only because the fireworks reminded me, "...they danced down the street like dingledoodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after the people who interest me, because the only ones for me are the mad ones, the ones mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes, 'Awww!'"
.
Another day started with yoga. Nap, then inside. FREE ICE CREAM!! from Ben & Jerry's. Yum! We went to Wendy Darling because we told the band we would the night before when we met them waiting for SCI to be done sucking. They were great, sounded very good with potential to make it main stream and seeming well on their way. Although I'd like to hear a little more variety in the topic of songs as most, if not all, were about broken hearts over a failed relationship/lost love, "Oh, it started out so nice, and then it ended..." womp, womp, womp. Lady singer's super talented though, as is rest of the band. Kudos to you, WD. Abbrv.s, I know!
.
Walked through country-inspired Son Volt on the way to Hill Country Review, bluegrass that sometimes plays with North Mississippi All Stars, and that's who we were wishing they were. Jackie Greene was a good lookin' fellow who played the guitar, harmonica and sang in a slightly rough-around-the-edges twang. Just a country bumpkin playing on his porch, in overalls and a straw hat, inviting Phil Lesh over for a sesh.
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Zappa Plays Zappa was sick rockin'. 110%. Singer in plaid did amazing interpretive-choreographed dance that he stole from my repertoire! Seemingly. Saw a bit of the Black Crowes, wondering what Chris Robinson saw in Kate Hudson. Zing. (kidding)

The Dead played that night, and my. Wow. Well, that was an experience. Awesome and terrifying as there were moments the music felt like it was going to collapse around me. More pictures of the penguin during moments of high anxiety make me curious as to how they turned out... the naked, hopping, spinning hippies made me smile, but they weren't always in view as after half an hour or so their spinning spread a wider radius. There were two or three little hippie boys with their families on a blanket off to the right, in front of us, and one of the little boys wasn't enjoying the show at the same time I wasn't enjoying the show and we were both sitting down, but he had a blanket, and all I had was my penguin costume because we were tired of carrying that stinkin' blanket, so I hugged my knees and laughed as the moon rose through the trees and the sky painted itself from mauve to black. Thoughts of prioritizing penguins, reaching pure penguin potential and worries over origins and habitats were interrupted by one of the little hippies who wanted to know about Katie's and my glow laterns. As he quizzed Katie on the glow, the ends of his long golden hair flew in the fading sunlight, his lil pot belly poked out of his open plaid shirt and he titled his head inquisitively. He informed us that he did not, in fact, like it when glow sticks were thrown in the air in celebration because it was littering. Then he started going off on about how it'd be neat to ride in a balloon packed with so much helium that it'll fly up to outerspace and float around for a while... that's littering, too, kid, and a surefire way to get yourself lost in space, maybe you shouldn't eat so much acid next time. We made fun of his imagination as Katie and I watched his friends try to reproduce our glow latern by his instructions. We danced through the crowd for the rest of the Dead's set.
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Pretty Lights was indeed that (there were swirling balls of light everywhere). And the fireworks were incredible!! Spectacular, unbelievable!! I liked how the common crowd response was that of clapping, cheering and guffaws instead the boring and polite "ooh"s and "aah"s one would hear at the local baseball field's display. With their luring lights we stayed and swayed past a girl who shouted with her glazed eyes, "I love you! Can we take a picture?" (making me feel even more like a theme park mascot) to MSTRKRFT, who played their house music loud and proud and remixed shit up, too; they did a whole spiel on how house is the universal music and how when they play it's "our house" and we're all house. It was a decent fun dancin' show until then end when the speakers finally crackled and fizzed out after a song's length slow death, so that kinda ruined the whole beginning and middle greatness with the shit-tastic end.

Exhausted, Katie and I passed through STS9's PA set beginning and EOTO's dancing, thumping light show. Picture of a man walking down the lane, but on the wrong side so it looks like a cyclopes, ooooh!
SUNDAY!! chillin' [out max and relaxin' all cool]

Finishing the festival out with more yoga. Still kind of tired from no nap on Saturday and end up drinking 5 beers and falling asleep on the blanket throughout different sets in the afternoon. Toots! and the Maytals were a fun time, sunnin'. Peter Rowan Bluegrass Band with Tony Rice was enjoyably Southern. Guster was great! Classic. Perfect Sunday afternoon easy listening. Fell asleep at Grace Potter and the Nocturnals and woke up to Matisyahu's wailing to mosey over to Willie Nelson & Family - I fell asleep in the shade for this one, then Katie wandered away and I didn't want to stay, but we forgot our whistles so I looked around and closed my eyes again. We left to take down camp to "Gotta Get Drunk" so that made me happy.

Tent take-down and once last trek inside for Dylan's closing. Phenomenal. The man has not lost his touch. So good to close on.

Farewell, Rothbury. With your stinkin' happy hippies and fans of music. Through the dust and the clouds we made it to dance in the sunshine and bask in the glory of it all. What a way to celebrate our freedoms by 4 days of fun. Though we forgot a few things, we made due and saw our way through, happily, through to the end, driving home with hopes to do it again.

1. Medicine 2. More costumes 3. Block ice 4. Jeans 5. Blanket/tapestry - and there was something else...

A Couple notes in closing....

"Wishing and hoping don't make things come true without action.
Life and music. Stop rushing to certain points without being aware and experiencing the ride there. It's a musical thing and we're supposed to dance or sing while the music is being played.
Shoulders lowered, elbows drawn in. To be one with and recognize our relation to the Earth. The center of our being. Oneness. The breath of life flowing in and out.

It really was a majestic and magnificent place, I have to say that. And for all the pictures that I meant to take, but didn't, at least I can hold the memory as beautiful and remember the serene, peaceful feeling upon stepping into those woods and breathing in the scent of pine and the cool, damp Earth; marvelous."

Also, I'd like to investigate the level of green-ness at this festival. Lighting, etc. Is it all solar? Didn't seem so. Festival claims to be green, but not all attendees seem to have the same feeling as there was so much trash at the end, yet so many places to trash, compose or recycle your waste. Disappointing, people, and I heard no artists encourage a brother or sister to throw away the trash they see. "Five pieces, everybody!" Noneathat. Though I did see some people helping out. Katie and me, too.

"My face hurts from smiling so much." KVH, 7/4/09

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I digress.

There's so much I want to say, about so many things, and yet, I don't know where to write them. To share, or not to share? Will my thoughts inevitably be shared, either way? Either through fame or death will my journals be published; will the world hear my worries and wonders? I might as well write them here as the internet seems as good'a place as any. No fire can destroy my pages with a single lick, though could a virus do the same trick? Maybe I'm rhyming because I've read a few poems this morning, which is what turned me on to be here...

Rewind. So, I volunteer as a script reader for a regional theater here in the city; yesterday I went in to return the last two [terrible, awful, how could the playwrights be proud!?] scripts I reviewed, and sheesh! What a relief it was to get them off my desk. Seriously bad, and I honestly believe I could do better than at least one of them, the second one had potential but was lacking in plot development and comprehension. Annnnyway, the one was so awful that I wrote, "I wanted to rip my hair out, strand by strand, by the end of the first page. Yeah, it’s another one of those, “Here’s my story on how I failed and succeeded at getting pregnant.” There was no conflict, no drama, no excitement. I didn’t care about any of the characters - they all annoyed me. This “play” may do better as a memoir, or a short story, or saved for the kids’ baby books. It read like a love letter to herself and she didn’t care whether or not anyone would be intrigued by reading, listening or watching it (nor did she even change her character's name from her own). Awful; throw it away and set fire to the trash can." So, that was fun to write a mean review rather than having to sift through all the pages singing praise about everything I loved. But so yeah, I'm talking to the boss man and he asks how my writing's going, and I say, oh, not really... at all, it's mostly just in my head. And it's not just thinking, if that's what you're thinking, it really is composition, only I'm not putting it to paper. I "write" and "re-write" in my head on runs and promise to put it to paper upon my return home, but stretching and other distractions lend to my forgetfulness. I digress. I told him that I hope my move to South Korea will be a blessing in terms of my writing because of the loneliness and isolation I will feel from lack of familiarity will spurn me to churn out page after page of prose and who knows. I digress.

This morning, over honey-drizzled strawberry waffles and soy milk-infused coffee, I read The New Yorker and my, how literary I felt, as still feel. The after effects of that magazine are truly dizzying in the most delicious way (note: I hope to be published in it one day). I read about potential panthers prowling in New Jersey, poems (of course) and a writer named Bruno Schulz, who seemed to have touched the lives of everyone he met with the life he lead and the words he wrote. "He was one of those men on whose head God lays His hand while they are asleep so that they get to know what they don't know, so that they are filled with intuitions and conjectures, while the reflections of distant worlds pass across their closed eyelids" ("Spring" a story by Schulz about Alexander the Great).

"And I always admired him, for the way he would talk and we would see a picture. We could smell the things he described. I remember how, for example, he described the smell of cinnamon, which was dominant in the commercial area of Drohobycz, and I, all my life, never could stand the smell of cinnamon, but only when he described it I loved it..." -- Ze'ev Fleischer, a pupil of Schulz.

Anyway, so I was inspired to sit down and write, digressing along the way, sharing things with you, if I may...

SURVIVORMAN
Here's a fact: Some people want to live more
Than others do. Some can withstand any horror
While others will easily surrender
To thirst, hunger, and extremes of weather.
In Utah, one man carried another
Man on his back like a conjoined brother
And crossed twenty-five miles of desert
To safety. Can you imagine the hurt?
Do you think you could be that good and strong?
Yes, yes, you think, but you're probably wrong.
--Sherman Alexie
CRUSH
Maybe my limbs are made
mostly for decoration,
like the way I feel about
persimmons. You can't
really eat them. Or you
wouldn't want to. If you grab
the soft skin with your fist
it somehow feels funny,
like you've been here
before and uncomfortable,
too, like you'd rather
squish it between your teeth
impatiently, before spitting
the sort parts back up
to linger on the tongue like
burnt sugar or guilt.
For starters, it was all
an accident, you cut
the right branch
and a sort of light
woke up underneath,
and the inedible fruit
grew dark and needy.
Think crucial hanging.
Think crayon orange.
There is one low, leaning
heart-shaped globe left
and dearest, can you
tell, I am trying
to love you less.
--Ada Limon
And so my digressions done, for the moment, I must return to the tasks at hand, for laundry, errands and ROTHBURY (2) are waiting!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I Luff the Library

That's more than love, is how much I love it. It's indescribable to describe my love for free literature and the like. Like in "Annie Hall," when Alvie Singer tells Annie that he loves her so much, that it can't even be called "love" that he luffs/lovures her. Ooh, ooh, ooh! So, I'm still reading "Kafka on the Shore" (wow! weird and awesome) and as Kafka Tamura (one of the main characters) is currently residing in a library, reading lots of books and holding long discussions with Oshima (Kafka's supporting character) about books, I've been thinking a lot about books, and today I went to the library to get books. Specifically T.S. Eliot's Collected Poems, 1. because Oshima spoke about the straw-filled hollow men from Hollow Men and 2. In reading an RS article, Woodstock director Michael Wadleigh said the aftermath of the festival was reminiscent of Waste Land - so I had to, I was pulled, in other words.

Re-reading these poems reminded me of sitting in junior year English class, sighing over failed attempts to comprehend the magnitude of Eliot's words in Prufrock and others, but now I find joy and delight in the memory of those attempts and the newfound ability to grasp hold of said concepts and images. Let me type out one for you....

'Preludes'

I.
The winter evening settles down
With smells of steaks in passageways.
Six o'clock.
The burnt-out ends of smoky days.
And now a gusty shower wraps
The grimy scraps
Of withered leaves about your feet
And newspapers from vacant lots;
The showers beat
On broken blinds and chimney-pots,
And at the corner of the street
A lonely cab-horse steams and stamps.

And then the lighting of the lamps.


II.
The morning comes to consciousness
Of faint stale smells of beer
From the sawdust-trampled street
With all its muddy feet that press
To early coffee-stands.

With the other masquerades
That time resumes,
One think of all the hands
That are raising dingy shades
In a thousand furnished rooms.


III.
You tossed a blanket from the bed,
You lay upon your back, and waited;
You dozed, and watched the night revealing
The thousand sordid images
Of which your soul was constituted;
They flickered against the ceiling.
And when all the world came back
And the light crept up between the shutters
And you heard the sparrows in the gutters,
You had such a vision of the street
As the street hardly understands;
Sitting along the bed's edge, where
You curled the papers from your hair,
Or clasped the yellow soles of feet
In the palms of both soiled hands.


IV.
His soul stretched tight across the skies
That fade behind a city block,
Or trampled by insistent feet
At four and five and six o'clock;
And short square fingers stuffing pipes,
And evening newspapers, and eyes
Assured of certain certainties,
The conscience of a blackened street
Impatient to assume the world.

I am moved by fancies that are curled
Around these images, and cling:

The notion of some infinitely gentle
Infinitely suffering thing.

Wipe your hand across your mouth, and laugh;
The worlds revolve like ancient women
Gathering fuel in vacant lots.
------------------------------------

And I really liked this one, too:

Hysteria

As she laughed I was aware of becoming involved in her laughter and being part of it, until her teeth were only accidental stars with a talent for squad-drill. I was drawn in by short gasps, inhaled each momentary recovery, lost finally in the dark caverns of her throat, bruised by the ripple of unseen muscles. An elderly waiter with trembling hands was hurriedly spreading a pink and white checked cloth over the rusty green iron table, saying: "If the lady and gentleman wish to take their tea in the garden, if the lady and gentleman wish to take their tea in the garden..." I decided that if the shaking of her breasts could be stopped, some of the fragments of the afternoon might be collected, and I concentrated my attention with careful subtlety to this end.
--------------------------------------------------

And then, after watching a trailer for "Bruno" I watched a trailer for "2012" that made my heart race and think of 'Waste Land', especially the ending ("This is the way the world ends/This is the way the world ends/This is the way the world ends/Not with a bang but a whimper").

So, I got that, and this life and pictures book about F. Scott Fitzgerald, and CDs!! Erykah Badu's "Mama's Gun," Fiona Apple's "When the Pawn," Woody Guthrie's "This Land Is Your Land: The Asch Recordings, Volume 1," "The Best of Grand Master Flash, Mellie Mel & The Furious Five," Priscilla Ahn's "A Good Day," and "The Best of the Girl Groups: Volume 2" - like I said, I luff the library and all its precious treasures. Now to make use of my finds...

Monday, June 8, 2009

100%

I'm a big fan of Haruki Murakami, in addition to the fun of pronouncing his name, he's a wonderful writer. I've only read A Wild Sheep Chase (a fast reading mystery) and Norwegian Wood (a heartbreaking and brilliant "coming of age" love story), and just recently started Kafka on the Shore; my brother shared this short story, in which Murakami plays off the idea of soul mates, that I wanted to share with you. Take a chance, I want to tell the people posting on craigslist for "missed connections" and this falls in that vein; though most stories turn out sad, as death is inevitable, there is always an opportunity to make something good happen in the middle.

Haruki Murakami: On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"

No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.


[A] List(s)

Household Items Lil Mama plays with:

- Rubber bands
- Straws
- Receipts
- Discarded Cheerios
- Bottle caps
- Dust
- Mr. Potato Head's Nose, rendering him smell-less with a giraffe's ear replacement
- Whatever string she can scratch out of any fabric surface
- Nothing at all, just jumping around, running through the apartment like some kid of woman possessed
- Paper bags

Items Lil Mama does not play with:

- Whatever my roommate and I spent money on specifically for kitty's enjoyment, ie., all $60 except sometimes the feather fisher thing... Not even her cat nip bubbles does she like.


I'm almost ashamed to post this as apparently I have swiftly become a crazy cat lady... wait, wait, wait, she's in her litter box, scratching around, I don't like her again.

I Just Signed a Contract... With the Devil(?)

I probably shouldn't have even said that much. I'm not so sure what I signed. I mean, I know it was a contract, and it was long, and there were lots of words/phrases that I didn't understand, but besides that and "One Million Dollars (without bail)" I'm not really sure... yeah, awesome, right? I can't really talk to you about what I signed or why I signed it. I'm just saying I signed one which basically gave all my rights and information and privacy to someone to dispense to the world at his or her pleasure, all for a chance to... maybe move on to the next round. I suppose if I do there will be more paperwork. Oh, the contract did suggest that I have my lawyer look everything over. Right. Because an unemployed 23-year old has a lawyer readily on call to handle all my contracts and other legal documents. Right. (And when I said that did you imagine me talking to an actual contract - like, let's say 8' x 5' - like I did? Like how sometimes when I say, "Oh, well I told Korea that I'm going to need to push back my leave date because I want to try and vie for this opportunity where I will most likely make an ass out of myself preventing any future worthwhile opportunities" I imagine myself phoning up South Korea, dressed in blue (it, not me, I'm in a yellow hazmat suit) delivering the bad news. No you don't see either of those? Oh.)

--- I wish my fucking cute cat would learn how to use the scratching post; she was just trying to claw the shit out of the arm chair in the corner and I clapped and said, "KITTY!" and she stopped and then, on her way into the kitchen I tried to scoop her up to attempt to failingly train her on the s.p. but noooooo, she's dodgy. Great, thanks cat. Thanks.

But yeah, so I signed it and sent it (and my life) off into the sunny, smoggy, traffic-y abyss that is Lake Toluca, California. And now, because I signed it, I can't talk about it... or, at least, I don't think I can. And A.) I don't have a lawyer to show it to, and B.) even if I did, it would have to be read hunched over my laptop (or their computer) because there's no effin' way that I'm paying another $14 at Kinko's to print that shit off. RIDICULOUS!! Fucking Kinko's and their nice, thick paper with their bold inks and efficient service; bastards.

What else? Oh, I don't think there is anything. Just that we're back at square one. Waiting. Oh. My. Oh. My. I loathe waiting. I am impatient! And I know, I know. Patience is a virtue, but one which I do not possess, nor wish to. I mean, sure, I guess it would be adultish of me to be patient, but I'm not down with that. I'm already doing a pretty good job at honesty, and I think I'll keep it at that, because I know a lot of lying liars who can wait around just fine, and no thank you, I've got better things to do with my time... except in this case, and really, I have no choice but to wait on decisions coming out of La-la Land (did you sing that? I did) and pretty much twiddle my thumbs or go for runs, or biking in the sun...s - because! did you hear? That one star that's closest to us (second to the sun) is getting closer, and it's actually the cause of global warming, not our particularly outrageous and wasteful habits, and we'll all be dead by 2012, so live it up. No, that's not true. I lied about that first last part, with the second sun coming... so I lie in jest, but not when it counts, any more. Buuut, (am I losing you? Shh. Work harder) that latter last part, the one about the 2012? I was just reminded how much it freaks me out by writing about it, because there were two dudes talking at the bar, when I was working a few weeks ago, and y'know, I'm pretty crazy/gullible (call it what you will, the Jackalope could totally happen in real life. Chupacabra, there are PROVEN documents of its existence!) on my own, so when the History Channel throws in the end-of-the-world music and the movie-trailer guy (I know he's dead, but this one sounded like him, and maybe they filmed it before he died) narrator on their Nostradamus special, yeah, I'm gonna be convinced, but then I easily dismiss it after I rub the sleep from my eyes and step into the light. These guys, let's go back to them, they looked pretty educated, but maybe that's only because they were wearing glasses (probably without a prescription), and they were talking about the planets being aligned and all the calendars ending on that day and how it's gonna happen. That gave me 'deer in the headlight' eyes and an increased heart rate for a minute until I remembered that the HC special ended on a note of, "Well, this could happen and be cataclysmic and the end of everything we know, or nothing could happen at all, so let's just wait and see." Uggggghhh!! Tom Petty, tell it like it is:

EFFIN' ESS!!! I totally know how to embed now (and it's not even hard, as YT distinctly instructs you how to do it under the link, aaaaannnnyyyyway) but this ass clown disabled it, so click here and snap/shoulder shimmy along.

And I love this song, and wow, they play it a lot faster (and better, yeah) than I can... I was going to say it doesn't really relate, but "oh the sweet smell of success," it DOES! Enjoy:

Remember when MTV still played the whole music video, and it was good?