HAHA! They're li'l babies that use flat irons and more product than I have, do, and ever will. Look at 'em. Li'l bitty baby boys! If I were 10 years younger I'd be in love. Alas, I am not, and I laugh instead at the ridiculousness that is the teeny bopper pop music industry. Mickey Mouse, when will your reign of destruction stop influencing the Top 40?!?! Never, probably...Anyway, I want to share with you, dear reader-friends, something that really made me laugh in Issue 1058 of Rolling Stone Magazine, page 74, an inset to the Jonas Brothers' article entitled, "The Clean Teen Machine" - enticing readers on the front cover by shouting, "The Jonas Brothers: God! Girls! Guitars!" Oh geeze!!
Here we are, the wait is over:
The Essential Jonas, Told by a Fan
-Six new and classic songs you really gotta hear to appreciate the JB craze. As told by die-hard Stephanie Kornfield, 14.
S.O.S JONAS BROTHERS (2007) "This song is about going out on a date with a girl and she brings friends along. It gets everyone pumped at the end of the concert when they play it." Group dating is fun. I like dancing and screaming and being obnoxious!
"6 Minutes" IT'S ABOUT TIME (2006) "Oh my gosh, I love this song. Only fans around at the time know it even exists. It's about six minutes with a girl and what you feel - like having the courage to ask a girl out. It's such a teenager song." You have to know the secret password to even see it at the record store. I can't wait until I'm a teenager!
A Little Bit Longer A LITTLE BIT LONGER (2008) "A very personal song for Nick. It's about his diabetes. A lot of people cry when it comes on. It can be for anyone going through a hard time." I listen to it when I want to see what I look like when I cry in front of a mirror.
"Mandy" IT'S ABOUT TIME (2006) "This is about their best friend growing up. She's a real person - I've met her at concerts and she takes pictures with fans. She's really pretty." They didn't just make her up, they really have friends! And she rides their coattails everywhere they go!
Burnin' Up A LITTLE BIT LONGER (2008) "A great one to dance to. There's a line, 'High heels, red dress,' and girls wear high heels and red dresses to the show. My best friend did. And their bodyguard, Big Rob, comes on at the end of the song. It's so funny." My best friend wore one, but I was too scared. In the bathroom she told me she'd use her heel to spike me if I did.
Year 3000 JONAS BROTHERS (2007) "A clasic. It's a remake of a Busted song. It's about living in the futures, underwater - so crazy." On the Waterworld soundtrack.
Wow. Right? I know. Though after re-reading and then typing that I bet it would be fun to be a kid and in love with the Jonas Brothers (but I heard about 30 seconds - which felt like minutes - of each of those linked songs, and no thanks) or just be me right now and watch the screaming/weeping children for 2 minutes during some song. I would laugh, then shake my head, and then go drink whiskey and listen to The Doors and George Thoroughgood and pass out face down in a gutter somewhere. Saturday night! Yeah!
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PS - I was looking to post more pictures, and I just - I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. It's gross all the squeaky clean images and, I'm too old (and probably you too) for the JBs.
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PPS - I feel very cynical right now.
