Super saucy. Makes me want to put on a white dress and espadrilles and go dancing outside under some colorful lights, in humidity (is it humid in Brazil?).
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Again, back to last night. I was thinking about how I would've savored my last semester differently. I tried to, tried to soak it all in, make it different... and it was, it felt like I was hanging on to the same thing of semesters and years past, but this time it held an inevitable change at the end of the course load. It was bittersweet when it was over. I'm still torn and still yearn.
.
[8-8-08: It was amazing though, that extra semester. Honestly, it was a great time. In the end it made me want to leave more than I wanted to stay, possibly due to the fact that it was wintertime in mid-Missouri and I was burnt out from partyin' and procrastination, ready to explore the world... From the August house party with the excited freshman exclaiming that he loves college - a baby of 18 making me feel old, old, old - to my final round of finals running on caffeine, adderoll and the knowledge that it will all be over too soon, I cried during my financial planning final from lack of sleep, knowledge and fear that I might have to re-take another number course. I passed. I still procrastinated, after 4 full years of college I was a champ. I loved being surrounded by people my age, strolling through the sprawling campus, running around the track and through the woods. I walked everywhere, or rode my bike, or relied on friends if it was too far since I sold my car the previous summer to afford living in Chicago on an unpaid internship and a meager paycheck from serving. The constant partying, especially Wednesday through Tuesday. People converging on downtown as the sky light dims and the street lamps shine on. I'm smiling. And I guess I am sad that it's over, but glad that it happened. The people I met, the things I did and saw shaped me, and will stay with me. Oh, and also, that August night house party, when my friend and I were leaving at around 3:30a, walking through East Campus, up our old street, an older Asian gentleman approached us with his hands clasped behind his back. I must admit I was a little afraid as I didn't know what he had concealed, but he said, "Excuse me" and asked us for our "company" - oh sir, oh sir! Are you propositioning us?! We're college seniors, not prostitutes, you want 3 streets over... those Steven's girls are sluts. It was weird, obvi - do you hate it that I shortened it like that? I used to, too, but not I think it's fun. Say it out loud. Do it. Say it. "Obvi." Fun, right? Right. You love it. Take it on as your own. Go ahead. It's okay.]
What I wrote in the darkness as I was trying to fall asleep with Heart's "Crazy on You" stuck in my head (it was on the radio when I made sure the alarm volume would be loud enough - 3 seconds and it stuck), surprising legible as well --
bird's nest:
fall, flap,
wind resistance.
learn how to
fly
on your own,
you'll get it
eventually.
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PS - I've been slightly distracted, and I don't want to say depressed, but depressed, this week what with the expensive move up the street (no bad roomie anymore!!), roommate interviews, no work at work, and lots of things expected of myself from myself, family/friends and billing institutions. So apologies for that as I dust the dirt off my ass and prepare to climb back in the saddle of life - just give me a minute to catch my breath. Shit! The horse is starting to run off.
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And this Scott Tuma song is a good winding down lullaby of a song.
